You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
