I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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