At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
