End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
