hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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