I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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