Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
