True but thats because hes a fetus.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
