I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
