summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You smell like stripper and shame
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
