Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
