So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
