it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
