Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
