I'm gonna have a badass scar
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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