I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
