dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
