so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
