So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
