don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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