Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
