Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
