Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
