is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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