i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
