Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
