What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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