so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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