The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
