Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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