so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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