i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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