Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
