tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
