I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
