I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
