Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
