i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
