please come you make the beer taste better
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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