toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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