I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
