I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
