Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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