K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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