We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
