There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Randomize
