guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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