Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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