she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
