Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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