Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
