i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
