I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
