Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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