and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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