tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
